"Believing people can soar beyond ordinary life."
--Fools Crow, LAKOTA
We are created by God to be vision people. First we set the goal and then we see. If we create within ourselves a picture or vision and we hold that picture or vision in our mind, whatever we picture will show up in our reality. If we can see ourselves being educated, then schools and teachers will show up in our lives. If we picture in our mind a positive, spiritual person to be in our lives, we will attract this type of person in our relationships. How big can our dreams be? Dear Diary,
Took a little too much pain medication last night before bed so I had a very restless night. Normally people sleep but I get paranoid that my heart is going to stop beating and it makes me more awake than usual.
My incision hurt a little bit and I was so groggy but was so sore I couldn't find any position that was comfortable, so this morning I was a bit slow. Going to have to work around the slowness.
Honorable Mother is furious and wanting me to seek legal council against the hospital because of not getting my permission to perform the other surgery. Is there a place to draw the line on how much care is needed and if so how much would it be? And who will take the case.
She has provided excellent council on the subject of birth karma.
Maybe both hubby and I can find some comfort in her words at this time.
She has been a good Master to me and now I see how very understanding she is. She is sure to remind me that it is not my fault that things went wrong.
Tonight hubby asked if I felt well enough to cook something special together so we started about 5:30 and made spaghetti with garlic bread and green jello and pistachio pudding for dessert. It relaxes us both to spend time alone in the kitchen, where we make our magic happen.
I really love cooking with him. Both of us gather our things and the kitchen is where we can talk and joke about private things to be discussed later.
He has been keeping me flushed with juices of all kinds and last night I felt well enough to give him a warm sesame oil massage in return for taking such good care of me. He has been so stressed out over this whole ordeal. We both just want to get through this time without any further injury.
You see, the minute I got home from the hospital I cut Jerry's card and anything that reminded me of him to pieces and threw it in the garbage because maybe this was a wake up call to both hubby and I. Maybe things will work out for us because of this. Maybe it is a new start. I hope.
While we were talking and snuggling last night he asked me if it had changed me in any way and I said yes, in all ways, and then asked him and he said the same thing. It had changed him seeing me laying there white as a sheet and dead as a doornail. I am a glutton for kindness from any source. Yesterday he was running through the kitchen door and it smashed him between the eyes and now he has a cut above his eyes and two black eyes. It is too easy to become confused when you are worrying about someone else. I feel so bad for him. Got him some Aleve to make him feel better but he might have broken his nose. I hope not because his insurance doesn't kick in until after next week or there after. Blah.
Do you remember that I had mentioned that I had seen my own death and it was two years from when I had that vision? Well this was the vision.
Nothing I could do to change or alter it in any way because when I had the vision there was one thing that I couldn't pin point as to what made me so sick and now we know it was the pregnancy doing it.
Today was spent making sure the cats were warm enough and the strays finally got their own big house to keep warm in and eat in from now on.
Just a basic shipping crate with plastic around it and carpet inside for them to be comfortable in. I feel so bad for them living under this cold house. Has to be warmer than that. At least it is a wind shelter.
Legend813 called to say Merry Christmas but we didn't have long to talk because he was at work.
Ok just rambling now,
Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,
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