"Hear me, four quarters of the world - a relative I am!
Give me the strength to walk the soft earth, a relative to all that is! Give me the eyes to see and the strength to understand, that I may be like you. With your power only can I face the winds."
--Black Elk
28 May 2008 - Caught in the undertow
When old words die out on the tongue, new melodies break forth from the heart; and where the old tracks are lost, new country is revealed with its wonders. - Gitanjali
Dear Diary,
Finally a day off! wahhhh!
Well, the attorney advised full bankruptcy and to finish that procedure before the other stuff so I made the first payment on it and need to get a credit report for them so they can see what needs to be taken care of. I am happy about the fact that it feels like the financial saddlebags are going to be removed from me once and for all. Helpful hints: Never marry a tyrant and never loan anyone money!
Yesterday was long. These Spanish guys walked over and started stealing everything from deodorant to body spray and wallets and I called security they just stood there laughing and blocking anyone's view but the whole manager's group was in the back with my friend Angelina because she had another seizure so nobody ever came and the guys got away with over $200 worth of stuff. and the other thing that peed me off is the person that came through while I was on lunch opened at least 10 packs of underwear and stole one item out of each bag. Damn their rotten soul to blazes. Why not just shoot me straight in the leg and get it over with faster? I feel sensitive and vulnerable. *needs a hug* Can there really be that many people per day that want to steal such stupid things as one pair of panties? Or one condom out of a pack when you can go to the darn health department and get a whole bag full of them for free? Are all humans inner nature like this? I try not to become angry because even anger is a delusion, just like happiness, but a person can only take so much before turning back into an ogre.
It is very frustrating to stand by and call for help when the guys were just standing there laughing and knowing that they were going to get away with all that. No wonder so many people develop an "I don't care what they do attitude." But what if the whole world ends up with that attitude? Then what? My long rush to heal the world usually comes to a screeching halt a few times per week these days. Trying to be a continuous channel of positive energy isn't easy either because on the days the manager's aren't there, most people call in leaving tons of work that doesn't get finished before we can leave. The motivation is gone and most co-workers are downright sick of customers. Sometimes I wonder where my own growth fits into all of this chaos. More than a few times angry confused customers came to an action alley crossroad at the same time and neither of them wanting to be the first one to move so I would have to step in and say something like "Ohp, we've got a two buggy pile up over here" and then one of them would hastily give in and continue on their way. Otherwise the nit wits would have probably been standing there all day staring each other down and not knowing what to do next. When all else fails, merge to the left? Heck, I don't know?! I was taught from my master that patience is the antidote for anger. I wish I could teach this to customers.
They took our snoozy couch away in the break room. Ah yes, that was my snoozy couch! Darn it to blazes!
I rented 'Love in the time of Cholera' and felt it wasn't quite as happening as the book was to read but it was still a very good story about lost love. Kind of reminded me of what might have happened if 'The Notebook' had ended differently. I also rented The Golden Compass and was disappointed. Glad I didn't buy it the way I was first thinking of. That would have sucked.
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