Love hath the voice of the storm at night,
Wildly defiant.
Hear him and yield up your soul to his might,
Tenderly pliant.
None shall regret him who heed him aright;
Love hath the voice of the storm at night.
~Paul Laurence DunbarDear Diary,
Yesterday I got into a fight with the newest dumb ass at work. He has thrown his weight around kind of like the stinky shit asses at the old store so seeing the resemblance I blew a gasket and then he shouted something like he wasn't there for me to act like his mother or some shit so then it was on for the whole night. After shift I went right to the main manager and confessed my sins because I am not leaving another job because of some dumb ass. I will have a knock down drag out this time because the job is more important than some stupid idiot.
Well he got my friend so upset that she started acting like she was going to faint so I took her to go sit down and she wasn't sitting for maybe a minute and began to have a violent seizure. I am glad the manager was back there to help me because when she convulsed it was all I could do to keep her head supported from hitting the floor. Scary shit that is. I called her later to make sure that she was OK and the manager called her an ambulance so she stayed there overnight. I am learning that I always seem to be at the right place at the right time in order to help friends.
I laid out in the sun today for a few minutes. Sure felt good after being in the cold for the last six months!
Well, on a lighter note I got to go push carts with him and his friend and that didn't last near long enough because I only got a few good stares in his direction. His friend said that he might have a thing for my blond hair.
I had a friend ask him if he had a girlfriend and he said yea and I kind of figured that he might be getting bored by the way that he has been glancing in my direction. He is really hot.
When I look at him I just curl up and cuddle inside.
OK. But unlike the Little Hottie, that was mostly full of himself because he has boned every girl at the store, this guy has a great smile and a happy personality, so this has confirmed that maybe I am a little bit lonely for some male affection or a date perhaps.
When he enters the room our blue eyes meet and my friend said it is pretty darned sexy to watch us when we are near one another. Now that I have actually noticed him noticing me I can't help myself but to return the glances with him. I feel compelled to keep looking at him. ok. I want him.
Like a strange voo-doo on me I tell you! I watch him come into the room.
I watch him leave the room. I have tried to make an effort to talk to him, even if it is in passing like "hey, are ya stayin' busy?" and stuff. Trying hard not to put my foot in my mouth or turn into a babbling idiot when he is around.. This romance stuff is hard work. See why I gave it up???!!!
I don't know whether I am coming or going. Stop and stare. back to the truck.
I decided to look this feeling up on the internet, Right now I think I am in the phase two/adrenalin phase because my heart starts beating faster when he is near as well this funny giggly happy feeling when he comes in the room. Isn't it weird that there is actual clinical phases of love and lust?
My friend suggested ignoring the girlfriend but I will just wait it out alone and see what happens next. For now my imagination has been working overtime.
According to studies, there are three phases of love, each of which is driven by a certain set of natural chemicals.
Stage 1: Lust
Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. These hormones as Helen Fisher says “get you out looking for anything”.
Stage 2: Attraction
This is the love-struck phase. People lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.
In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters play an important role:
Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
Adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing
Serotonin - One of love’s most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane!
Stage 3: Attachment
This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. It’s the bond that keeps couples together. One hormone in particular is important at this stage.
Oxytocin
This is released by both sexes during orgasm (that’s why we feel bonded after having sex), and also at childbirth. The theory is that the more orgasms a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.
You can see how nature has created the three phases to enable the continuation of the species. The first phase of lust sends us looking for a partner, the second phase of romantic love narrows our interest to just one person, and the third phase of attachment enables us to stay together, even when the first rush wears off.
Here are some facts about attraction. We are attracted by:
Symmetrical face
Asymmetry in faces can be a sign of underlying genetic problems. That’s why we are attracted instinctively to symmetrical faces. (This applies more to men than to women)
The hour-glass figure
Studies show that men prefer women with a waist to hip ratio of 0.7. (You can calculate your own using this formula:
waist measurement ÷ hip measurement = ratio.
Someone who looks similar.
Just for fun, let’s start out this article by doing the following quiz: Print out this article, read the phrases and determine whether they describe "love" or "lust," and then write it on the line at the beginning of the phrase.
________ 1. Your heart pounds really fast and you feel like you’re going to explode.
________ 2. You can’t eat.
________ 3. You look at your sweetheart constantly with puppy-dog eyes.
________ 4. You’re so nervous that your palms become sweaty.
________ 5. You forget how to talk, sputtering out half-words instead of sentences.
________ 6. You want to be with your sweetie constantly.
________ 7. When you touch each other, you feel a current of electricity ripping through your bodies.
________ 8. You can’t sleep.
________ 9. You experience an inability to concentrate on anything, except your sweetie.
________ 10. You constantly think about having sex in every place and position imaginable.
________ 11. When you touch each other, you feel peacefulness washing over you.
________ 12. You want to spend quality time with your sweetheart.
________ 13. Your palms remain dry.
________ 14. You have a healthy appetite.
________ 15. You think about new ways you would like to make love to your sweetheart.
________ 16. Your heart beats a little faster and a little light comes on inside of you that makes you feel warmer.
________ 17. You look deep into each other’s eyes from time to time.
________ 18. You can think clearly.
________ 19. You can sleep soundly.
________ 20. You talk with a soft, relaxed voice.
If you guessed the first 10 phrases were "lust" and the last 10 were "love," you were correct. Here are Webster’s definitions:
LUST: a desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite; sexual desire; excessive sexual desire, especially as seeking unrestrained gratification.
LOVE: a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person; a strong, usually passionate, affection of one person for another, based in part on sexual attraction.
All is well,
You are loved.
Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,
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