I was dead, then alive.
Weeping, then laughing.
The power of Love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.
He said "You already have wings. I cannot give you wings."
But I wanted *his* wings.
I felt like some flightless chicken.
You are the fountain of the sun's light.
I am a willow shadow on the ground.
You make my raggedness silky.
~Rumi
Dear Diary,
Well it has been a long two days with no electric or water. Thank goodness for laptop and phone line.
a blizzard blew threw town causing all kinds of chaos and strong winds as well as the first snow of the season.
Even at 9PM my daughter and I suited up to play in the pouring snow because I knew it would most likely be gone come morning.
Sure enough there was only sparse amounts left come sunrise.
Spent the day gathering firewood and water. By the time I got home I was very tired and very sore all over. I wish I had a massage right now. After that I helped Little Fawn work on her schoolwork. Would you believe that she didn't want to take the week vacation from her work.
I am glad that she likes it because I never enjoyed school. But then I mostly went to scope guys so the thought of an education didn't really occur to me.
It was a beautiful day to spend down at the creek. Sun shining through the trees. Water slowing flowing by. Birds walking on fallen leaves and chirping. Makes me glad to be alive. but also makes me a little lonely. I asked J.C. if he wanted to come over and he said yea but then the electric and water went off so it wouldn't really be any fun to invite someone over just to sit with your mom and daughter in front of the fire because you *have* to. Know what I mean? After everything came back on it sure felt good to take a steaming hot shower.
Well I have requested my records regarding the mesh and I am a little scared. In fact I can't even talk about it because I am really a lot more scared of the thought of having it removed than I was of having it put in. You would think that someone would design something a little more woman friendly than a hard piece of plastic to fit into such a drastic area.
Obviously it was made by a man that knows nothing of how a woman is built inside. And furthermore there wasn't even any testing done on the product before placing it into women so technically we are the Guinea pigs for this product and I did not know that before I got it. I had about twenty minutes worth of counseling regarding the product and that was done sitting in the pre-op room before going into surgery so it is amazing the kinds of things that get passed off onto innocent people when it comes to doctors.
I have started reading Rumi at bedtime.
If anyone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting
will look, lift your face
and say,
Like this.
When someone mentions the gracefulness
of the nightsky, climb up on the roof
and dance and say,
Like this?
If anyone wants to know what "spirit" is,
or what "God's fragrance" means,
lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.
Like this.
When someone quotes the old poetic image
about clouds gradually uncovering the moon,
slowly loosen knot by knot the strings
of your robe.
Like this?
If anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead,
don't try to explain the miracle.
Kiss me on the lips.
Like this. Like this.
When someone asks what it means
to "die for love," point
here.
If someone asks how tall I am, frown
and measure with your fingers the space
between the creases on your forehead.
This tall.
The soul sometimes leaves the body, then returns.
When someone doesn't believe that,
walk back into my house.
Like this.
When lovers moan,
they're telling our story.
Like this.
I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.
Like this.
When someone asks what there is to do,
light the candle in his hand.
Like this.
How did Joseph's scent come to Jacob?
Huuuu.
How did Jacob's sight return?
Huuuuu.
A little wind cleans the eyes.
Like this.
When Shams comes back from Tabriz,
he'll put just his head around the edge
of the door to surprise us.
Like this.
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