It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself...
Serve and thou shalt be served.
~Ralph Waldo EmersonDear Diary,
Spent the morning browsing for pretty email backgrounds. I am thinking white orchids on soft pink or something in old world parchment.
Then I am going to save everything to DVD and reboot so I get a smooth copy of word and office again since my trial expired.
In a nutshell I have found my outer boundaries. I have never been hampered by setbacks or boundaries because the Universe always watches out for my family and I. I no longer see less as loss, it is only change. I wanted another car and would not have ever gotten one until this moment. It will not spoil my bliss. Outer trappings and mistakes cannot hamper the soul.
In the past five or six, maybe even seven years I have been curious as to finding myself and answering the questions of Who am I? What is my purpose here? How may I help others? I didn't know that finding myself would be so much fun.
I received this letter from Mr. Hot Pants' new girlfriend yesterday. I will post it only because I cannot find Legend813's email Addy at this moment to share it with him and I am too lazy to go track it down. I am very happy for him and do not want him back in my life but I feel she should know the true tony before just loving a man that she knows nothing about.
I want him to know happiness and not turmoil. Dishonesty destroys relationships. I feel he should be talking to her about all of this himself but that is just me.
We all have lessons to learn and I release all of my thoughts both positive and negative toward him to be an observer.
Hopefully for his sake his gets this relationship right.
From: Peaches626@hotmail.com
Eva, My name is Belinda and I assure you I am not a crack whore!
I am wondering why on earth you and Ricky would say such ugly things.
Since you don't know me I guess you are going on what you know of Tony.
Please tell me who this man is that I have fallen in love with.
I am a decent respectable hard working person who really doesn't want to get fucked over.
Please enlighten me on Mr. Dotson. I would greatly appreciate it.
All I really know is that he is NOT a morning person, his fuse is extremely short, and his ego is very large.
I know some about you and his family but I really don't know that much about him. You've known him most of your life, please tell me about him.
Are you still in love with him. Is he just going to walk out the door one day or what?
He tells me I am the love of his life, that I'm what he's been looking for all his life.
That I have made his life better than ever.
I love him and want to believe him.
Belinda Dunbar
To: Peaches626@hotmail.com
Hi there,
Well, let's see... where should I start?
When we were young he said he loved me then stole my car when I was sleeping and stole some TV's to buy crack and some cocaine with. He stole a lot of things from good hard working people then went to prison for his whole life! When he got out we invited him to stay with us because he assured me that he had put the whole mess behind him but really didn't. within days of us helping him get a job he started saying he couldn't go in to work-always saying he was sick and tired but slept all day and wouldn't go to bed until AM every night. He prays on women that are hard working and decent to carry him when he slips.
I didn't know this at the time and it almost costed me everything.
Within several weeks I learned that he was using again.
His father was a coke addict and his mother worked as a nurse in a hospital and stole drugs till she left home. He turned to coke and crack and so did his sister and both his brothers spend $500 plus a week on weed. When I learned he was using again there was nothing I could do about it. my daughter turned 5 and he was out getting high while we waited on him to come home so we could have her birthday party. By the time he arrived my daughter was in tears. This was the day he broke my heart and I finally saw the real tony. The day after he wanted to take her bike back to walmart to get the money to buy coke with. He has a habit of putting his needs before yours.
He tried to kill my husband and I finally put my husband out because I thought he had changed but it was all lies. He made himself seem too good to be true. All hot blooded and made me feel so special, like I was the only girl in the world until he started scoping young teenage girls and them flirting with him right in front of me. That's what con's do!
The minute Joe was gone he stole my credit card and wiped out my account went and got high and was back before I even got out of the shower and I finally had to go see him stealing my money on the bank camera before I ever even realized where the hell my money went! He tells you exactly what it is that you want to hear but then is so violent that he tried to go after my mom but I got in his way and stood between them because he wouldn't help pay the bills like he promised. so I kicked him out. She just wanted him to go to work!
I said he could come back home if he got help but he would rather live on the street and rob xxxx xxxx at gunpoint last year than go into detox so then he stole his perdium from his poor boss who gave him everything even was going to give him a company truck and he would have used it to buy crack with then he tells me that he lost his wallet two paychecks in a row but really used them for coke. I finally go to the motel and catch him with this drug guy and realize that he is using again. money flows through his fingers like water. he steals from his bosses and usually gets caught and ends up back in prison again and again.
The last girl he was with was a Carney and he stole and ended up four years in prison for that. He said that he didn't do it but I called the prison and they said he was caught in the act with the stolen stuff in his hands!
You can do a search on the Carolina prison system for his complete record, it is a good one.
He is not able to have a relationship with anyone because he makes you a co-dependent on his behaviors and if you are going to be with him then you need to look up a CODA in your area so you can handle what happens next when things get funny, which they will in about 6 months or so if not before. I had to finally move away because he threatened to kill me and my daughter because he bought us a heater and needed the money during winter to buy crack and I said no. I had to get an order of protection and a trespassing warrant on him.
And yes I have loved him as my soul-mate since I was 8 years old. he cannot handle pressure and is so violent that I really don't know what to tell you other than keep your money away from him because if you trust him you are a fool. And better use protection because he will not be around to raise a child with you once he starts using again. Or will threaten you and use the baby against you in a fight you have never seen before.
I wish I could say good luck but I had to find out all of this the hard way and every relationship ends up the same way. no matter how much love you give him he says it is never enough and always says things like "You don't love me" and so forth and turns it around on you to make you feel guilty. And if you do marry him then you better get a prenump because he will try to take you for everything that you have.
If he couldn't make it work with his soul-mate that loved him more than the air I breathe then I can only wish you better luck than I had with him.
Let me know how it goes.....
Eva
Anyway, my one day playing the stock market was so much fun! I kept back a share for Little Fawn so she can learn about finances and sold the other eight shares at 46.28; which is up from when I bought them months ago. For a brief moment I had a taste of high finance!
All is well,
Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,
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